Yesterday, I watched an episode of Oprah I had recorded from the past week on my DVR. It was about the harassment of kids and how recent headlines have reported that more kids are starting to respond to severe bullying at school by taking their own lives. More specifically, the episode focused on middle school-aged boys who are victimized with gay name-calling. It's almost always about being called "gay."
Two standards of dealing with bullys were publicly dismissed on the show, and I think we need to do more to get the word out to those who don't watch Oprah (a group that, most likely, includes the bullies themselves). The first standard is that we have always been trained to ignore the bullying, perhaps as a method for trying to send a message to those who taunt us that we're not letting it get to us. Think, too, about the whole social network that is in place that can further victimize a "squealer" for "tattling" on a bully. Best to keep it to yourself to avoid further retaliation, right? Wrong.
The other standard dismissed was the classic "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me" addage. Am I the only one who's ever found this to be one of the most hollow, false things ever spoken? In my mind, when you say that phrase, you are admitting that you are actively trying to ignore the hurt that words are causing you. And underneath the surface, it's not working. This phrase is shallow, hollow, empty. It's a lie. And finally, people are catching on. Words can and do hurt a great deal.
I am currently entrenched in the end of another school year. I'm so busy, in fact, that I don't really have time to be writing this, much less any other blog postings, thus accounting for the fact that three weeks have passed since my last post. But as I sit here, feverishly grading, making parent phone calls, arguing with unmotivated students over missing work and bad attitudes and wishing for summer, it occurs to me that the real shame in all of this is how distracted we are from what is really important.
More than I care about how well a student performs in my class academically, I care about what kind of people my students have become. I wonder if I have given myself enough time to be a positive influence in that area. Do my students think that when I don't allow the phrase "that's so gay" to be spoken in my classroom that I am just "old" or "following policy"? I sure hope not. I hope they figure out that kids are dying because of hate talk and disrespect.
I am not doing enough. I am not working hard enough. Grading papers is not getting the real work done. The real work is the problem that there are kids here who don't feel respected. Don't even feel safe. Shame on us.
So it's back to my grading, because I have to. I'm obligated; it's a part of the job I get paid to do. And I'm back to teaching kids content...that's what they're here to learn. But I pray that I am always receptive to the ones who are being harmed and the ones who are causing harm. And I hope that I have the strength and the words to step in whenever I'm blessed with the opportunity to teach a far greater lesson than the ones we usually learn in class.
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